Step 1, Complete.

We broke down and told the kids about Matt's upcoming deployment. We've debated and dreaded about when to tell them. We didn't want to tell them too soon, for fear of them having so much worry for such an extended amount of time. On the other hand, we wanted them to have enough time to digest it and spend some quality family time with Dad before he leaves.

I'm not sure why I was so fearful of telling them. Landen is older this time around and really understands how it will all play out. Maybe that's why. We were eating lunch and decided to spill it. Landen's reaction was pretty upbeat. We quickly followed the announcement with, "but we are going to AR" this summer for a long time! He sat there, Matt left the table and then I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He looked at me with big tears in his eyes and said, "but I thought they only had to go one time and dad already went." Unfortunately, as I fought back tears I had to share with him that some moms and dads have gone several times and we are lucky it is only for 6 months and not a full year.

Hayden's reaction was , "oh... man!" Then, he was off to play. He can't grab that concept of it yet, and he doesn't remember him being gone when he was 2 years old. I'll have more of an issue with him, when it all actually transpires. We calculate time by how many sleeps we have until an event. Matt explained it will be 180 sleeps.... that's the best way we can explain it to him now.

Jordyn, of course, has no clue. She doesn't understand. It's going to break my heart because she looks for daddy to come in the door every day. She asks for him the minute she wakes up and wants to know where daddy is a lot. Every time he leaves for a trip and comes back, she sits by him and hugs him and won't let him out of her sight. She's like his own personal stalker! I wonder what she will do after not 2 or 3 weeks of distance, but 6 months.

We'll get through it as every other family does. It's the same worries and fears that thousands of other mothers face, so I know I'm not alone. I don't have to like it though. Now, onto the next steps. We have wills to update, power of attorneys to get, issues to discuss, presents to figure out for Matt to give the kids before he leaves, car registrations to update, and my list is continually growing. The stress begins along with the anticipation of it. It's all starting to roll.... like it or not.